Wow

Amazing mothering 2 beautiful wonderful children who are so incredibly different.

Fuck wish I wanted to talk about them but all I want to do is talk about how frustrated I am. I need changes but none of the changes I'm hoping food look like they will come about! Grr! Muy body feels strange and My mind isn't much better. I need some r&r and there it's no hope of that anytime soon. Self care is tough when you have no energy for it. I'm taking on to much and not getting much support when I'm asking for help. Drives me mad but not sure hope to change it? Need money. Lots if money. Tired of people making out like it's our fault and if we only worked harder it would be different. Unfair and untrue. Fucking MS takes so much and so much off that loss is unnoticed by others. Over 10 years living with ms resulted in huge financial losses for me. I don't consider myself someone who bases life on monetary accomplishments but Christ even I gave wants.

Want to do right by my children and be sure they have more than I did but man it's tough. Hate living with my fil He's a douche. My mil is nice enough but vacant and useless.
Next week family visits and I'm feeling hijacked by that whole experience but it might surprise me (I hope).

Communication is strained and Worse when my fil is home. Just want easy relationships once again but seems something changed and have to adjust once more.
Okay baby needs me. Off to more mothering.