Just another day...
I have limits. I have built in safe guards. My body no longer lets me abuse it. I have totally unrealistic expectations of myself and I think I'm going to have to work on accepting that once again. I can't be super-human not matter how hard I try.
Next step trying to sort out how the heck to make things around my house work without my super-human attitude. I always get sucked back in thinking I 'need' to do things. My big kid is struggling in school and this is stressing me out. I am not sure at all what the best course of action is for helping him and the struggle is so darned stressful. I obviously want him to succeed and to feel good about himself. I feel like I'm devoting a lot of energy to protecting his sweet nature and bright mind to stop him from realizing that others think he's struggling. I've known he had some sensory processing issues that manifest as behavioral, compliance is not his strong suit. I assumed this part of parenting was going to be really hard but I didn't realize how freaking exhausting it was going to be to have these on going issues. We are seeing an occupational therapist but I have no way to tell if it's help or more importantly the 'right fit'. I suspect it's not. He does so well with activities at home and I truly wish I was well enough to home school him and help him navigate things more easily. He seems to love the social aspect of school and I would hate to take that away from him. He also seems to be thriving on structure so I praying that we help him now and that he hits his stride next year when the pace slows down a little bit.
I just keep waiting for things to get easier and I guess maybe that shouldn't be my goal. Maybe they won't? I feel like that rarely happens and I likely have no idea what that would even look like. A little 'poor me' left over perhaps? Ugh so challenging to balance regardless of what easy or hard look and feel like. I'm sure we all struggle and that we all experience moments like this. Right? Right? Until next time I'll keep at it and I hope you do too!