Typical

So typical for me. I started writing and couldn't stick with it. April was so busy, for so many reasons. I haven't been feeling 100%. I'm trying to sort out if it's medications or just MS flare ups. I started Aubagio for my MS in January and so far things seem mostly okay. I'm going to aim to keep up with blogging for myself so I can look back on day and remember some of these little concerns I had. My memory isn't what I'd like it to be and it seems to randomly select what it wants to retain.

Big is in a new before and after school program. Little turned 3 last month. I'm struggling with the desire to have more kids. I know I just don't have the energy or wherewithal to manage a third but that  desire is there. If we come into a bunch of money I suspect I'd dive in. Though I say that knowing that the medication I started means I should conceive for 3 years after stopping the medication! So yeah not a high chance of a third biological baby. Besides I truly have my hands full with the 2 I already have. Big is so high needs and I'm wrestling with this at the moment. He really needs help to make it through school and I just don't feel like I have much to offer at this point. I hired and OT but have yet to hear back from her with suggestions about how to help. I feel certain that some of his problems stem from the fact that my plate is so full that I don't have much to offer him. But I also recognize that he is his own person and I can't bare all the weight of his 'issues' as my doing. I wish I could though. I keep trying to talk myself into being responsible for his behavior in any way I can. Arg, constant battle. It's so draining to worry and I have so many other things I'd prefer to fixate on.
I need to carve out more time to strengthen my body. I think if I do this I will feel better. But I don't have much energy and therefor try to conserve it and skip working out. I would love to be able to afford an e-bike as I miss biking terribly and would love to have the security of a motor in case my body gives out on me part way through a ride. I need to figure out how much I could set aside for this as it might be a huge gain for me to get out and about. Of course I also want to take some time off to spend time with the kids before they grow any bigger. Oh the balance that is motherhood!  Anyways that's the abbreviated update with me but again I will try to keep up with my writing when I have a few moments here and there. ~M

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