Parenting ideals and ideas
~ I truly know that I don't know what I'm doing lol
~I follow no one 'style' of parenting except the one I constantly create and re-create
~I've done things, as a parent, I regret but none of them involve Aidan
~I believe infants are people and should be treated as such. From day one, they don't gradually develop consciousness outside the womb they do that inside the womb.
~ Kids are amazing little people and so fun to be around so take the time to find activities you can both enjoy
~Letting Aidan figure out toys, and items for himself instead of molding it for him is way more interesting to watch and gets easier with practice.
~This includes allowing him to take risks like climbing and jumping or other things where my first reaction is fear and all I want to say is 'no, stop, don't or worst of all let me show you how,'. Instead I try to allow him to explore. I used to joke that my parenting philosophy for the first year or year and a half was to make sure he didn't die. I said it laughingly but it's true. If it's wasn't a life or death type danger I tried to let go. With practice I have become much better at doing this!
~ I don't believe my kid needs time outs (not alone in a corner for example, sometimes he does need to be removed from situations for a breather or space)
~I do often need time outs- when I get frustrated, or angry, or over whelmed the best thing I can do is deal with it and sometimes that means on my own
~I won't hit my son ever (this means spanking or slapping in any way)
~My goal is to provide a minimum of 2 hours of play a day with Aidan where I'm fully present. This means no phone or internet, no spacing out, no planning dinner, no day dreaming of traveling to Europe but being 100% there with him in each moment. Please note this is cumulative and a goal so I don't do this all the time lol I'd just like to
~Having time to myself is super important to me and I need to set it as a priority.
I believe it's important to tell my son how proud I am of him and how much I love him. A lot. Not an empty 'good job' but a 'I love the way you..."
~Parenting is hard work so give yourself a break. Kids are adaptable and if you do something you regret it's great role modeling and it's a good habit anyway) to say, "I'm sorry can we start again?"
~It's important to me that I remain willing to learn
~If it works for my family then it's right for my family. If not we can strive to find something that does work
~My hardest lesson has been that I don't need to have an opinion on how you raise your child unless you are abusing them. Period. Mom wars are sad and unfair. As women we have a hard enough time so sometimes I need to Stop, Listen and Be Compassionate. Being a parent isn't easy and as my parenting style evolves so does my understanding that there is not one way of doing things nor is one way superior, they are just different.
~Oh Compassion reminded me of being compassionate to myself. I don't regret any of the choices I have made as a parent. Not because I'm perfect and don't screw up...just the opposite am at peace with the fact that I will screw up all the time but I say I'm sorry I made a mistake and change direction as needed. I truly believe that this is what it's all about. It's so much easier to live with myself when I'm able to admit my mistakes, accept them and let then go. I'd like to note that this process often takes me a couple of weeks...or longer, especially in the beginning,
to be continued as I learn more about myself and my child and our relationship....