MS Mom

Amazing mothering 2 beautiful wonderful children who are so incredibly different. Fuck wish I wanted to talk about them but all I want to do is talk about how frustrated I am. I need changes but none of the changes I'm hoping food look like they will come about! Grr! Muy body feels strange and My mind isn't much better. I need some r&r and there it's no hope of that anytime soon. Self care is tough when you have no energy for it. I'm taking on to much and not getting much support when I'm asking for help. Drives me mad but not sure hope to change it? Need money. Lots if money. Tired of people making out like it's our fault and if we only worked harder it would be different. Unfair and untrue. Fucking MS takes so much and so much off that loss is unnoticed by others. Over 10 years living with ms resulted in huge financial losses for me. I don't consider myself someone who bases life on monetary accomplishments but Christ even I gave wants. Want to do ri...

So little blogging so little time perhaps? I'm not sure time had been the issue however. I kind of feel like I pigeon holed myself by making my blog about my MS and had a hard time writing about other stuff. I think I'm going to try to start blogging more often, though that's easier said then done. Thoughts for tonight? Tired, worn out, happy, thinking more clearly, lots on my to do list. Praying hubby's new job starts soon and things start to pick up for us when that happens.

Some days are shitty. Since days are amazing, sweet and beautiful.  And the time and difference between these types of days its hard to anticipate. I'm having a hard time blogging recently. I think its because without symptoms the theme of my blog seems silly abs hard to maintain. I also feel like much of what I wanted to blog about a year ago isn't as relevant for me. I keep intending to revamp the blog, give it a new name and a new purpose then my motivation dissolves And the blog remains postless. I'm blogging today as a way to recognize the 4 year anniversary of my brothers death. I didn't feel liked calling attention to my grief in facebook or via email or any other way this year. I'm deeply saddened And miss my brother but didn't want to share that grief this year. I'm not sure why it felt good to have people know and understand before but not now. I've been doing a lot of work on myself again and that may be part of my desire for privacy? Hones...

I'm not sure what's going on but it's something. I don't feel like myself somehow? My head is spinning when I stand up once again so I'm fairly sure my veins have re-stenosed, I wish I had a way to confirm that but I haven't had any "head rushes" since my surgery. I'm fairly sure that's not the only thing going on though. I'm feeling emotionally off. So sensitive yo rejection and so easily hurt. I'm also feeling kind of "melancholy" for lack of a better explanation. I feel like I need a break but from what I'm not sure. I am sure the rain hasn't been helping and not having a car is slowing me down but I think all that is incidental I'm going to have to go talk to my doctor and maybe see a therapist? I've taken antidepressants but I've never followed up by talking and I'm thinking that might make the difference. On a different note I've been enjoying the yard at our new place and so has Aidan. I...

Apparently when I'm not having many symptoms my inspiration for blogging wains. Humm I can only imagine that this is because I write what's going on with me and when I'm not sick things seem to trivial to blog about. Not that nothing is going on its just that I'm not a professional and I don't have any experience I'm just figuring it out as I go. What do I believe as a parent? I know my son was born a humane being with thoughts and feelings and I believe in treating him like one. I don't talk down to him or assume he doesn't have feelings or opinions. I try to help him express himself and understand his feelings. I know my son has preferences so I try to respect those as I would like my own preferences respected. I believe my job as a parent often boils down to letting him experience the world the way he chooses and I'm along for the ride to make sure he doesn't die ( or get too injured). I say this casually because I let him do things othe...

I have not great points for this post so I'm planning in rambling so if you want a blog post that makes tins of sense please look elsewhere lol. My health: my chiropractor helped but my energy level stinks. I'm taking blood thinners to try to figure out if it's my veins shutting or if it's something unrelated. I'm praying that it's not a relapse because I really don't have much fight in me at the moment and I just can't face another MS relapse so soon. Thankfully no pain and few little mobility/ numbness issues so its more inconvenient and scary than anything. Parenting: I love my kid! He's seems so grown up since he's really started talking. We've got a talker and I can't express how much I love it. Even when it's inconvenient and frustrating (read often lol). It's another stage so it takes some practice figuring how to communicate effectively in this new medium. Aidan is busy counting everything that comes in pairs and ident...

Okay so I'm trying my hand at writing a little bit about what I've learned so far on my parenting journey: ~ I truly know that I don't know what I'm doing lol ~I follow no one 'style' of parenting except the one I constantly create and re-create ~I've done things, as a parent, I regret but none of them involve Aidan ~I believe infants are people and should be treated as such. From day one, they don't gradually develop consciousness outside the womb they do that inside the womb. ~ Kids are amazing little people and so fun to be around so take the time to find activities you can both enjoy ~Letting Aidan figure out toys, and items for himself instead of molding it for him is way more interesting to watch and gets easier with practice. ~This includes allowing him to take risks like climbing and jumping or other things where my first reaction is fear and all I want to say is 'no, stop, don't or worst of all let me show you how,'. Instead ...